“oh, don’t be THAT mom!” is tossed around and I can almost feel their eye rolls digging through me like a laser. Almost as if, “that mom” is a bad thing and I should reconsider.
No Mom ever enjoys being judged. In fact, I can’t think of one Mom who feels comforted when people question or mock her choices as a mother.
No Mom ever enjoys when people tell her that the plans, hopes, or things she wants to do for her family are unrealistic or out of reach. And no mom really enjoys the implication that she simply has too much or more time on her hands than any other mom.
As a new Mom the judgment seems to flow freely. Opinions are offered up by “veteran moms” who give their unsolicited opinion on a choice I have made for our family.
And lately I have seen a lot of judgement or mocking thrown at Moms that question status quo or have an alternative way for their family.
I think any mom would agree, it sucks to be mocked or judged for her decisions.
I am “That Mom”
Maybe I am sensitive because I have chosen to be “that mom” and when I see posts on Facebook, or I hear the comments made, it stings a little. Not because I am questioning my decisions, but because the reasons behind my decisions took so much research and effort.
It gets old hearing the “jokes” made about my choices and the dismissive comments that label me as overreactive or as someone with a little more time on my hands than others. Heck, it’s even in our media making light of the mom’s who question everything. Don’t believe me? Watch the move Bad Moms and see the mocking of moms who question food ingredients and additives.
Life With All The “no’s”
I am that mom that researches and questions EVERYTHING. I AM that mom who doesn’t want her son to watch television and become overstimulated. I am that mom that doesn’t want her child to have a traditional birthday cake or processed foods and sugars until long after he is 2, if I can help it.
It doesn’t mean I judge you or mock you when your choices are different, it just means we see it differently.
I am “that mom” who chooses the chiropractor, instead of a traditional western medicine doctor. The mom who favors herbs over over the counter drugs and medicine. I am the mom who just about gave my son’s Grammy a heart attack when I expressed some of the decisions we had made for him. (She’s better now)
Chemicals, toxins, media, food additives, big pharma, yep I question it all! The crazy thing is, I haven’t always been this way as a person.
I am that mom who will limit processed foods, food dyes, will find natural medicine whenever possible and fitting, and the mom who tries to go plastic free, chemical free, and GMO-free. The mom who analyzes it all.
And like any other mom, I still wonder if what I am doing is the best for him. You see, we will always have that it common, despite what our choices are.
It Isn’t What It Used to Be
I see these post on social media targeting the mom with different ideas as over reactive, dramatic, or just “not as busy as other moms” type of vibe.
These cute memes are usually followed with a disclaimer that generations of moms before mine “fed them sometimes”, “there weren’t all these rules”, or mom’s before us let their children have soda, sugar, and toys with lead based paints. Then it’s followed with “and they survived”.
Let me just put it out there, it ISN’T the same as it used to be. No, your Grandma DIDN’T raise your Mom and Dad on GMOs because a GMO wasn’t invented (yeah, invented) until 1994.
And the topic about “toxins” and the passive “oh well, everything causes cancer” statement, it’s rude. I’ve never met someone who thinks wanting to find a cure for cancer s bogus, so why is wanting to find the preventative mocked and disregarded?
Childhood cancer, ADHD and behavior disorders like childhood anxiety and depression, diabetes, and childhood obesity all on a rise, yet we have more processed foods, more toxins, more additives THAN EVER.
I Know People Think I am Dramatic and Overreacting
Think I am being dramatic? Look at your grocery stores. Aisles and aisles of processed foods. Grocery stores don’t stock food that doesn’t sell, so someone is buying it. Multiple aisles dedicated to cleaning, scents, and more chemicals.
I get it, it is so hard to know what is right and wrong as a mom when all you want to do is what’s best. We are all trying to keep up and desire to do our best.
But can I say, don’t do what you think is best at the same rate as mocking the mom who does different than you? Dismissing “that mom” and her beliefs is hurtful and insulting. It’s not that someone has more time than the other or more access to information.
Each one of us decides what we feel is best for OUR family.
What It Feels Like
Could you imagine if the mom who doesn’t want her kid having sugar came to your kid’s birthday party and out loud made judgmental comments about you for having a traditional cake for your little one?
You’d be upset, maybe even hurt! That’s how “that mom” feels when she sees these public, passive posts or the passive comments made about her or to her.
And chances are, like any mom, “that mom” just wants to feel understood and accepted. For me, I just want to be respected. Because there were countless hours and TEARS that went in to making these choices for my family.
I don’t expect everyone to agree with me and I don’t think I am perfect, I just want people to respect what choices I have made.
I Fell Down the Rabbit Hole
I often believe it is just that I am misunderstood. From the outside it probably appears that I am overly worried or over reactive.
I haven’t always been this way, but personal experiences made me question everything. It was almost as if once I fell down the rabbit hole, I couldn’t get out. There are also a lot of things out of my control, so I’ve decided to do my best with what I could control.
I Choose No Processed Sugar for My Son
I don’t want my son having processed sugars because I feel like he has his whole life to experience sugar. Did you know sugar is addictive like a drug?
Companies hire people to formulate foods in this perfect combination called a “bliss point”. Highly addictive foods equate to more money spent on those foods. Consumers become addicted.
As parents, we have been exposed to these things from an early age and we have been programmed to find it difficult to resist certain foods.
My addiction to food started when I was a child, most likely with the food I was consuming. Anxiety as a teenager, depression, acne can all be linked to my diet.
So it is my choice to leave high sugar and processed foods off of the table for my son for as long as I can. Because I know the heartache of food addiction, depression, and anxiety. I am also not convinced that these foods are safe for us to be consuming.
Hearing passive comments or jokes that I am “depriving my child” feels hurtful. It’s not child abuse, it’s just a choice and preference.
I’m Cautious of What’s in Our Food
I try to limit our family consuming certain additives because of the studied and proven links to cancers, behavior disorders, hyperactivity, allergies, and learning impairment. I think a lot of additives are extremely unnecessary, especially when it is just for marketing and appeal.
It concerns me that most western medicine and pediatricians are slow to question the nutrition we are getting and where our food is coming from. We are a culture quick to accept a prescription, but slow to change our food habits for the sake of relief.
The “T” Word
I research cleaning products, scented EVERYTHING, and our cosmetics or baby care products have usually passed my over critical internet dig. Food is no stranger to my over analyzing, researching self.
I am afraid of chemicals, despite what the FDA says. Because the research has only started to unfold and I believe A LOT OF THINGS are causing the chronic illness and cancer epidemic. I don’t think it is normal for so many of us to suffer with chronic headaches, allergies, or illness.
When it comes to our food, I question the source. I wouldn’t spray roundup on your veggies in our backyard garden, so I choose to not buy it off a store shelf.
I research products, what’s ACTUALLY in them, and question all synthetic chemicals. Like “fragrance”. “Fragrance” can mean THOUSANDS of different chemicals and can instigate headaches and allergies.
And it isn’t just fragrance… its hundreds of other things lurking about in our cleaning products, detergent, soaps, etc.
It’s been a year and I am STILL working on eliminating it. It’s hard, because it’s hidden everywhere.
The Golden Rule
I don’t expect everyone to get it or jump on my train and I admit I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be. I am not naive, I know not everyone will agree with me or see it how I see it. That’s life.
But here’s what I would expect…
I would expect to be respected for my choices as a mom. I would expect that while some people might think it’s a little over reactive, I would hope that someone would spark a conversation with me as to WHY. At least before you mock me behind my back.
The “jokes” that dismiss the beliefs I have or choices I have made, they’re as insulting as the passive, judgmental comments made.
Instead of assuming and judging me because I am attempting to deprive or shelter my little one, I’d hope you would consider how much time went in to these decisions.
Have you ever researched a car, a carseat, or a neighborhood all in the name of safety for your family?? That’s all I’ve done and continue to do. Because once I opened the can of worms, I became fascinated by what I didn’t know or what I accepted as normal or safe.
Hours and hours of research, many tears, many… MANY times of being mocked or talked about behind my back… all in the name of safety for my family!
My way isn’t the perfect way and I don’t claim it is. I am also imperfect, but I truly try to lovingly teach what I know so far. Learning is an everyday thing that I am open to. My only wish is that others would be too or at least stop dismissing me and the thousands of other women who have made different choices for their family.