If there was one thing I wasn’t planning on doing, it was sitting down to write a blog post about another miscarriage. I am learning though, things don’t always go as planned. I rehearsed this blog post a little in my head, but sitting down to write my fingers and brain feel a little blank.
I suppose it is because it is such a taboo or vulnerable subject. It is difficult for people to find the right words when they hear about someone else’s loss. Maybe I should first start by saying, I am okay… we are okay. We have faith in God and God’s plan. While it is a vulnerable subject, I choose to talk about it to bring awareness to something that impacts 1 out of 4 women. 25% of women will experience a miscarriage, but it isn’t something we talk about. Maybe it is because women will feel judged? (been there) Maybe because it’s kind of awkward? (been there) Maybe because we feel like we are letting down the ARMY of people who pressured us to “hurry up and have kids”? (been there, too)
In all of the awkwardness, I choose to be a little vulnerable so the 25% of women will know they aren’t alone. Even though, it is still something people seem to think is uncommon.
A survey was completed with 1,084 people, both men and women. 50% of those surveyed thought miscarriage was uncommon. 22% of those surveyed thought miscarriage was caused by someone’s life choices or they felt the person was at fault in some way. With statistics like that, I feel like we should really talk about this.
Miscarriage isn’t a personal fail or something someone is to blame for. More than half of miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities. There was something wrong from the beginning. The other half of cases are due to abnormal hormone levels, the structure of the uterus, or autoimmune disorders. Basically, the complication of miscarriage is usually uncontrollable. There isn’t a better diet that could have “fixed it”. There isn’t an “eat more of this” or a “you should just relax” that would eliminate miscarriage.
Our second miscarriage had blessings wrapped in the chaos, which is what keeps us moving forward. We found out we were expecting on January 27th. February 15th we went in for an ultrasound. Unlike last time, we got to hear a heartbeat. Such a blessing. To hear and know you can create swoosh heartbeats, exciting. We headed back in on February 24th for our 8 week ultrasound.
I waited for the doctor for what felt like forever. I kept reciting over, and over, and over in my head Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” After what felt like FOREVER, our ultrasound began.
Unlike the week prior, there was no heart beat. The baby measured 6 weeks, 6 days, when we should have been around 8 weeks. As a woman, as a mom, you just know, this time isn’t it. We were sent for a confirmation ultrasound in radiology. It was confirmed the baby had grown it’s wings and my body hadn’t realized it, again. My heart actually felt like it was in a million pieces.
Very reminiscent in some ways to our August miscarriage, we prepared for what was ahead. A surgical D & C was scheduled for February 28th, the day before my birthday. We waited all day in the surgery center as an add on. Recovering took several weeks, but surprisingly my mind healed faster than my body. All of the downtime, the waiting, the recovering, allowed for a lot of soul searching.
Here’s what I believe –
First, God does not hand us anything we cannot handle and He certainly knows the plan for our lives. Our WHOLE lives. “He has a plan” isn’t some cliche saying that holds no value. If you believe He has a plan, you will find comfort. He also doesn’t want you to live in fear.My comfort comes from trusting God’s plan, even in a time of fear. Everyday I sang “No Longer Slaves” by Bethel Music to my little one. I didn’t know what the future held, but I knew (and still know) that any pregnancy is a gift from God and serves a purpose. The lyrics still comfort me while moving through a journey that is a little unknown. I have always found comfort in music,
You split the sea
So I could walk right through it
My fears were drowned in perfect love
You rescued me
And I could stand and sing
I am a child of God
I’m no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God
We sang it in church the other day. I was a total snot crying mess. 🙂
My amazing Nick and I trust this plan. The best thing we can do is trust it, lean on each other, and keep living out our plan.
The best thing we can do is keep praying, keep building a strong foundation, and continue to build a home of positive energy and love. We trust that our rainbow after the storm will come, but we must wait out the storm.
No one ever said life was easy, but the beautiful part is we get to choose how we respond to the trials we are handed.