I believe you were brought here for a reason. Maybe the catchy title about goals drew you in or a post on Instagram caught your attention. Either way, I want to set the intention for this conversation before we even move forward.
I hope that you read this all the way through and that it helps equip you with some tools or motivation to improve several areas of your life. May you be open you receiving this post and the words in it, but more importantly may you see the value in applying them to your own life.
Lies We Tell Ourselves
When it comes to working on our goals, it is easy to stand in our own way. I recently asked on my Instagram what held other people back from accomplishing their goals.
People responded with the following:
“Fear of not being able to accomplish what I set out to do and dear of other judging me.”
“I think I get in my own way!”
“Thinking little of myself and self worth.”
As I worked through some of the answers, I realized the things others were struggling with were the same thing I have struggled with most of my life.
There have been moments in my life where I have let fear of judgement or fear of looking foolish hold me back. I have spent WAY TOO MUCH TIME being focused on what other MIGHT be saying behind my back or I allow others words to sabotage my own progress.
Sound like you?
Before You Set Goals, Do this First
Before we set any goals for yourself in 2019, I really think we should work through some of these roadblocks together. These roadblocks don’t discriminate. You can set goals in all areas of your life (I choose 8 areas – I go through this in my workbook!) and these roadblocks still can stand in your way.
Read through these and see what aligns with you most. I encourage you to read each of these before starting your work in my 2019 Goal Setting Workbook! Trust me, if you want 2019 to look different, you will be glad you did this extra step!
1. No One Supports Me
most of all of my adult life with SOMEONE not supporting my goals or making me feel like they had my back. Really, MY WHOLE ADULT LIFE I’ve allowed someone not “supporting me” slow me down. Most of those people are in my closest circle and most of those people have expanded their web from not supporting ME to not supporting me AND the decisions I make for my son.
Why do I tell you this? Because I want you to see you aren’t alone and quite honestly, they don’t ever really go away. My post about being “That Mom” shares how it still impacts me as a Mom.
Stop waiting for Aunt Sally to support you and throw disregard to the underhanded comments your family shoots your way. It’s unnecessary for everyone to be on board with your goals before you can step out and attain them. Specifically, you don’t need your husband to want to lose 10 pounds or Uncle Joe to support your essential oils business. Those aren’t the deciding factors as to why you can or can’t accomplish your goal.
PS… You should probably start the search for new, positive people in your life. Accountability is crucial in accomplishing your goals. An accountability partner or group will give you positivity when you are doubting yourself!
2. I Want to Help Other People, Too
Sometimes it is your example that will inspire other people to change. So you must first put yourself and your goals first, then you can focus on how you can help other people. It is really challenging to help your family and friends when you yourself haven’t helped yourself.
For a long time I wanted people to take the journey WITH me so I could help them and validate the decisions I was making for myself. The moment I stopped seeking validation from someone else for the decisions I was making, was the moment I gained momentum in my own life.
I use the analogy often, put your mask on first, which translates to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF BEFORE ANYONE ELSE! I don’t care what the number on the scale is, your family cannot benefit from a run down, anxious Mom and wife.
Put your mask on first, make the hard decisions first, stay disciplined first… eventually people will be inspired by you!
3. I Can’t Do This
For the longest time I said I wanted to change. I have set goals for myself that I have never felt worthy of. I have allowed time to pass me by, too. The thing that really changed it all, was setting a firm intention and writing down my reasons why I was tired of living this way.
Write out the reasons why you have the goals that you do. If your goal is health centered you might write something like “My son deserves to have a patient mom who has energy!”
If your goal is to pay off debt, you might write “Being free from debt will decrease the amount of stress in my marriage.”
Knowing your reasons and reviewing them every day is a very important habit to create, if you want to accomplish your goals.
4. I Might Offend Someone
Unfortunately we live in a world when our insecurities are brought up when we see someone doing something we perceive as better than us.
Saying “no, thank you” to something demonstrates A LOT of self control and unfortunately that can make other people insecure. That is no reason to set aside YOUR GOALS. You DON’T HAVE TO SAY YES!
Do you do that? Do you say yes to something, even though it will interfere with your goals, because you are afraid you will offend the person? Do you eat the dessert, that really doesn’t taste good, because you don’t want people to be insecure about THEIR food choices? Do you say yes out of guilt or obligation, instead of joy?
Just say “no, thank you!” or “I will have to check my schedule and get back to you” and leave it at that. You don’t have to give a “because I am watching what I eat” or “because I have quiet time scheduled for myself.”
This is where reviewing your reasons WHY, before you enter the scene, will come in handy. Think of it like this… “I am not saying no to a glass of wine, I am saying yes to feeling empowered.”… “I’m not saying no to a gossip lunch with a friend, I am saying yes to pursing my dream of building extra income.”…”I am not saying no to piece of cake, I am saying yes to vibrant energy in the next few days.”
You don’t have to say “no” to everything, but I really encourage you to start evaluating how it feels when you put your goals first.
5. I Don’t Know Everything Yet
The idea that you can’t start until you have everything perfect will hold you back. I call this imposter syndrome.
Imposter syndrome makes us doubt ourselves and what we already know. Perfectionists are usually held back by imposter syndrome.
You don’t need a fancy meal plan to lose weight. You don’t need to have the perfect body before starting your online coaching business. You don’t need to have the perfect prayer life before joining a small group.
Start with one thing at a time and commit to being mindful about the changes you will be making.
If your goals are centered around health start with filling your home with the best you can find. Stocking the refrigerator with healthy options. Refusing to buy processed cereals for your family.
If your goal is in business, listen to podcasts by people you admire.
Add-in positive decisions anywhere you can. Add-in more fruits and vegetables. Add-in more self development podcasts or books. Add-in an extra 15 minutes when you set your alarm for prayer time.
6. I Can’t Find Motivation
If you are struggling to find motivation, it might be because you are bogged down by negative things. Here are two things that bogged me down,
- Negative thinkers/talkers or “fear humans”
Being around people who think negatively about themselves or others are DANGEROUS for our goals! Just as dangerous is being around the constantly fearful. Don’t underestimate the power of someone else’s energy, especially if it is negative. Negative energy can haunt and derail your goals quickly.
- Over consuming and comparing on social media
Do you scroll social media for hours looking for “inspiration”? This was one of my major faults. I scrolled every morning before getting out of bed. First looking to see how many likes I got the night before and second looking to see what a handful of women I “looked up to” were doing. The truth was, I was comparing myself to where they were. When I was done, I was unmotivated and a little depressed thinking about what I hadn’t accomplished yet.
Find better friends, period. Remove “poverty thinkers” from your circle stat. You know, those people who ALWAYS have a negative energy around money or what they can “afford”. YUCK! Find a polite way to spend as little to no time with negative people, especially those that just want to gossip about others or dwell in their problems.
For social media, I have a new rule I have been living by. Create before you consume! Meaning, I get up and create something FIRST before I scroll and consume. This has made me 100% more productive, especially in my workouts and business. Create movement, then catch up while you recover. Create a blog post, then check in to see what your BFF is doing with her son. Create. Create. Create, before you consume.
If you are following someone who you know is making you insecure about yourself, mute them or unfollow them! It will save you so energy!
How to Make Your Goals a Reality
If you made it this far, I want to say thank you! I hope this time was a time of reflection to see what has been holding you back in your life.
For so long a lot of the excuses above stood between me and my goals. In health, in business, and in life. I always allowed something to stand in the way from accomplishing my goals.
My challenge to you is that you
1. review the excuses and actually apply the solutions to your own life and goals.
2. Download my free 2019 Goal Setting Workbook and work through it before the end of 2018.
We live in a very unique time! Yes, there is a lot of noise out there, especially about health and wellness, but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Right now we live in an age where we can link arms virtually with other people and create a tribe for ourselves of women that will help us reach our goals.
How determined are you to make your goals happen?
Thank you for reading!